Currently

Wearing:  Leggings as pants and my new jort overalls.

Watching:  ...April Kepner ruin yet another season of Grey's Anatomy with her oh-so-predictable pregnancy story line and whiny attitude.

Reading:  How To Win Friends and Influence People - I haven't learned anything yet so don't get your hopes up that I'll suddenly be more friendly.

Wanting:  A boyfriend that isn't self-absorbed and/or abusive in any way. Are they out there?

Listening: So much Brandi Carlile.

Creating:  I've been drawing plus sized naked women in my sketchbook lately. I'm not sure why. 

Battling:  My weight (at a plateau.) And my concept of what my life should look like right now. Mother's Day was this weekend, and it was the worst one yet, which surprised me out of nowhere.

Eating:  Not meat. Best decision I've ever made. Lots of radishes and black bean burgers lately.

Drinking:  Water and coffee and the occasional alcoholic root beer.

Loving:  Fresh spring produce. Elephants. Cows (they have such pretty eyelashes!) Tinted lip balm. Yoga. Living by my own rules.

Looking forward to:  Going back to Savannah for the first time in a couple years. My soul is so happy there.

My privileged American life

Listen, I feel really helpless, too.

Beyonce released her new hour-long music video, Lemonade, and I don't know if I'm even allowed to like it, because I'm white and I don't understand her struggles as a black woman first-hand. But I'm learning through her, and through the conversation created by her amazing art, and I hope that I'll be able to make the world a better place with what I'm hearing and seeing and experiencing. I think she'd be okay with that. I think she'd be proud of that.

People are literally fighting about bathrooms right now-- about who can go into which bathroom. The horrible things I've heard people say about the transgender community literally makes my stomach turn. How lucky I am to be a cis-gendered, straight, white American female. I have never experienced struggle like the LGBTQ community has, and that's more of a reason for me to fight for their rights. I want these amazing, intelligent, strong, passionate, creative people to be able to have the same rights I was afforded at birth. If that means I have to be a tiny bit uncomfortable so they can experience even the slightest bit of comfort, I'm willing.

For the first time in my whole life, I have hope for my country because of Senator Bernie Sanders. I feel like my opinion matters and that I'm actually represented by someone who has my interests at heart. And he's probably going to lose the nomination, which bums me out and makes me feel totally hopeless. It's like living inside a vase and not wanting to see the cracks. I'd like to think they aren't there, but when Trump and Clinton are going head-to-head in the US presidential election, it will be proof that no one matters but big corporations and people with money. The rest of us? We're left to do the important work of making sure our transgendered friends can pee in peace and providing coats and hot meals for homeless veterans. All those cracks need gluing, and the big-bucks politicians won't do it. We are the ones that will need to change the dialogue about race and the rights of women because no one cares otherwise. If Bernie has taught this world anything during his campaign, it's that a bunch of little people with strong convictions can rally together and make amazing things happen for those around us.

I want to believe that the world isn't as big and scary as it feels. I want for this generation of "horrible millennials" to do something to continue to bridge the gap between the us and them mentality in this country. I want to care about the violence and poverty in other countries without being told that I'm un-American or unpatriotic. I want those who struggle with mental health issues to be able to receive care from a professional without having to starve while they do it. I want women to be able to make choices about their own bodies without being slut shamed or scolded. I want politicians to do what they say they'll do, and I want someone to hold them accountable when they don't. I want student loans to be manageable and starting wages to be livable. I want the Kardashians and Kanye to do something that benefits someone else for once. I want people to give a shit about animals and the environment, and I want to meet a boy with a beard who will bring me peonies and love me for who I am.

Maybe I'm an idealist, but I never ever want to lose that part of me that believes the world is capable of being a beautiful and better place.

Because it can.

Currently

Wearing:  Jorts. If you see me at any point this summer, I will be in cut-off jean shorts. You know, the kind people create in their kitchens from old pants that have holes in them or something? Yeah that kind. It's sweltering hot in the Carolinas this year, so... Sorry not sorry.

Watching:  Masterchef and Orange is the New Black. Also re-watching all the episodes of Daria, because she's my spirit animal.

Reading:  Quite a bit of poetry. Also about to start Red Letter Revolution and Trendology.

Wanting:  Tater tots, mostly. I'm on week four of Weight Watchers and have lost 15.8 pounds... really proud and excited to keep losing! But oh do I miss fried food.

Listening:  Some recent favorites include Dessa - "Call Off Your Ghost", Florence + the Machine - "Various Storms and Saints", and Beth Orton - "Dawn Chorus"

Creating:  I drew a sketch of some scissors the other day. Also have been journaling and including some collage in the new journal. Does that count?

Battling:  Exhaustion. Work is slammed all summer long and I'm just trying to get it all done and still take some time next week with my family at the beach. Hopefully I'll be able to relax.

Eating:  Lots of fresh produce! I love summer. Also eating a ton of shrimp and salmon. Excited for some crab legs next week!

Drinking:  Not enough alcohol, just enough water. Trying to stay hydrated in this summer heat.

Loving:  Seeing my timeline turn all rainbow-colored in support of the SCOTUS ruling affirming marriage equality. There were some haters, but the people who stepped out in support far outnumbered those noisy gongs.

Looking forward to:  Putting my butt in the sand and sleeping in the sun at the beach next week. There will be ukulele playing and singing on the porch with my siblings and time for drawing and coffee in the mornings with my mother and evening bike rides with my sister. Maybe I will get my brother to do a sketchbook collaboration with me, since we are both artists but our styles are so different. It feels nice to look forward to something. I'm counting down the minutes.

Currently

Wearing:  A lot of maxi skirts, dresses, and heels. I'm finally back in heels after spraining my ankle pretty bad in January. Hopefully I'll be back in skates soon.

Watching:  I just finished the second-to-last season of Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. I'm behind the rest of the world, but it's a good show. Hopefully I can find season 7 on Hulu Plus.

Reading:  On the plane this weekend, I started listening to Amy Poehler's Yes, Please! on Audible. She's hilarious and strong and wonderful. So many good gems, like:

"I believe great people do things before they are ready."

and

"Nice manners are the secret keys to the universe."

Wanting:  Beach weather. I was just in Orlando for work, and it was hot, and the pool water was perfect, and the sun was refreshing. Then I came back to the office and it's been overcast and 60s. I'm not complaining, this weather isn't awful. But I'm so ready for warm sand and cold beer and family time!

Listening:  Mostly listening to this Spotify playlist of Indie Covers, and also my "Chill" and "Enough" playlists.

Creating:  Not much. Most of what I'm doing artistically these days is for work... and is less than beautiful. I got some mega compliments on my signage for a recent trade show from my bosses, which meant SO MUCH to me.

Battling:  Anger. Rage. Fury. I guess I'm stuck in this part of the grief cycle. I'm angry that my marriage was such a failure and that I have no babies to show for it. I'm angry that my ex-husband got out without any crazy bills to ruin his credit. I'm angry that he has a girlfriend (he found someone dumb enough to love him) and a child now, because he doesn't deserve either. I'm angry that he's just a terrible person and gets to continue being a terrible person without consequences. The thing about terrible people is that they don't care who they hurt. So I guess the one thing I'm thankful for in all this is that I'm not anything like him. I'm better than him. I always have been.

Eating:  Back on a primal/keto diet. Very low carb, high fat, high protein. Paleo foods plus dairy. I like the challenge of coming up with creative, cohesive, cost-effective meals.

Drinking:  Black coffee with Stevia in the mornings. Also really enjoying this Pure Protein shake. It tastes like birthday cake and holds me all morning. If you wanna try it, let me know! I'll get you in on my next order and it will be much cheaper than ordering direct.

Loving:  Pimiento cheese. See previous box. I can have this in moderation. And it's my favorite.

Looking forward to:  Getting back on skates after two months off. I have so much anger (and fat) to burn after just sitting around and seething for a couple months. The timing of the ankle sprain was pretty terrible. Lots of time to sit and think with very few healthy outlets.

Currently

Thinking:  About the difference between solitude and loneliness. 

Wearing: A whole lotta leggings. Leggings to work with dresses. Leggings to derby with tank tops. Leggings to yoga with sweaters. Leggings under my jeans when it was 8 degrees here last Friday.

Watching:  I just started watching 30 Rock for some evening comic relief. I love the fabulous Tina Fey.

Reading: I'm listening to Little Failure by Gary Steyngart on Audible. The author reads it, which is the only time I will listen to an audiobook. Next up is Yes, Please by Amy Poehler, followed by a couple of the books on this list.

Wanting: Some sort of resolution to some plates that are spinning! Hoping to get some good news here soon.

Listening: Recently have fallen in love with The Lone Bellow's song "You Never Need Nobody" and Amy Ray's "Bird in the Hand." Both, unfortunately, are really relevant right now.

Creating: I'm participating in Miranti's 52 Hand Lettered Project. She gives you a topic or phrase each week to letter, and you do your thing. It makes me think outside of my usual lettering projects, and it will be fun to watch my letters develop and mature over the course of the year.

Loving: Young Living Essential Oils. Okay. I'm super not crunchy at all (I worked in an ER for a while, and I love modern medicine like the day is long) but I feel good about what I'm doing for my body by eliminating unnecessary chemicals that are found in OTC medications. I also really enjoy that I'm relaxing more with some really great scents diffusing in the background, or in my bath water, or on my yoga mat. If you want to learn more about EOs, you can join my closed FB group by clicking here.

Looking forward to:  Yoga. I just got back to Holy Yoga class last night after a long (year-long?) break. Roller derby practice interfered with yoga, but this year I am prioritizing Sunday nights as yoga nights. I felt amazing after class last night. I forgot my body could feel like that. Sunday Funday, indeed!

Currently

I haven't blogged recently... for many reasons. I can't put words to one major thing that's going on in my life, and the only other thing that's going on is roller derby. And let's be real, you don't wanna hear about roller derby. So I figured a Currently post was in order.

I've been revisiting some of my favorites from high school-- Dashboard Confessional's album, The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most and New Found Glory's Sticks and Stones.

I got halfway through The Rosie Project on my way home from Atlanta last month. Since then it's been collecting some serious dust on my nightstand. But so far it's a really fun, lightweight but still thought-provoking read. A recent good internet read: Mortician for the YouTube Generation.

I finally decided to finish Weeds while I was waiting for Parenthood, Grey's Anatomy, and Scandal to return. Masterchef has been really good this season also.

Bout makeup. In roller derby, it's common for skaters to have cool and/or scary makeup on that either goes with their derby name persona or fits the theme of the bout. Recently we had a zombie themed bout (see photo above) and I went a little liquid-latex-and-fake-blood crazy. It was awesome.

Now I'm wondering what other really cool looks I could create!

This artist. And this artist. This social project. And this artist. Also roller derby. Because, well... it's my only saving grace these days.

Halloween! It's my favorite holiday of the year, and I love it. Now to make plans...

Currently

Thinking:  I've felt so content lately. I've been sleeping well and have been feeling really positive. I'm coming out of a really deep low, and it feels good to be sleeping in the sunshine on the other side.

Wearing: Lots of skinny jeans. I don't even care that I'm not skinny, my butt looks good in them and that's what matters.

Watching: Finally caught up on Grey's Anatomy and Parenthood and Nashville just in time for their finales. Such great shows. Will be watching lots of Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen while they're on break. When does Project Runway come back? A girl's got needs.

Wanting: A mental health day, and a beach, and my toes in the sand, and crab legs with lots of butter.

Listening: Brandi Carlile's live album that was performed with the Seattle Symphony has been rocking my world. I mean. So good.

Creating: I've been participating a Poem-A-Day challenge in April. Except I'm way behind and off-track. I'll finish all the prompts but it will take me much longer than a month. I've cranked out some work I'm really proud of and it's brought me back to my one true love: language.

Loving: Working out (ugh, who am I?) I have a trainer and she's awesome. I'm feeling strong and proud when I go home sore and sweaty but having accomplished something I never thought I could do (every day there's something along these lines.) Tired of being the size of a house and also damaging my heart with an unhealthy lifestyle so I'm doing something about it.

Looking forward to: This weekend I'll be helping my stepdad clean our boat. This sounds awful but it's my favorite part of spring. I'll be on the water in the sunshine with the wind in my hair. Lake days are the best days.

Currently

I've been a little lost for words lately. I've had bronchitis/pneumonia for a full month now and am on my fifth antibiotic (save your speech about antibiotics, I love them.) I haven't skated much. I haven't left the house much. I've had a LOT of time to think, and that can get messy. But here's what is CURRENTLY happening in the carnival that is my life.

I am reading The Wife by Meg Wolitzer. I read her book, The Position, many moons ago and loved it. I've moved this book from apartment to apartment and finally decided to read it. I love the was she describes things without being confusing or pretentious. I identify with the main character of this book, and for a book called The Wife, that says something.

Recent internet reads that are definitely worth your time:

1 | Here's My Excuse, Maria Kang - thoughts on body image, mental health, and being who you are
2 | Would Jesus Have Prayed 'Allah'? - linguistics, religion, and tolerance all packaged together

3 | From the Different Ways You Can Miss Someone - basically sums up how I feel about my ex-husband

When I grow up, I want to be as freaking rad as Lennon Stella. Also, I love the name Lennon. Also also, These girls have more talent in the tips of their tiny little fingers than I have in my whole body!

I'm thinking about making an enormous life change. This is part of why I've been so quiet. I really can't say much more publicly but it's weighing on me and scaring me and exciting me all at the same time. Stay tuned.

I'm taking my first Skillshare class! I'm going to be learning to hand-letter by taking this class. I'm excited, because nothing inspires me more than words and art, I've just had trouble in the past putting the two together. You can do it at your own pace, so join me if you want! Your first class is just $10.

If I watch anything, it's on Hulu Plus. Parenthood, Nashville, Grey's Anatomy, New Girl, The Mindy Project, and Modern Family are all back. But I normally save them all for Saturday and watch them while I clean.